Top 50 Palace Games Countdown: No.4 - Palace 5 Brighton 0

Originally published on www.fiveyearplanfanzine.co.uk, 2 August

Saturday 26th October 2002

Whilst most of the games in this illustrious Top 50 list concern important victories that sealed promotion, fought off relegation or simply gained a valuable three points, Saturday 26th October 2002 saw an altogether different type of contest. A seaside team from 40 odd miles away was making the journey up the A23 to Selhurst Park to battle an old adversary it hadn’t seen since 1988. 13 years and all that distance had, if anything, intensified the rivalry. This wasn’t about points, this was about pride.

As if a Palace-Brighton fixture wasn’t enough, this was also a game with a number of interesting sub-plots. The Seaweed, in an attempt to emulate their esteemed opponents, had recruited a couple of Palace old boys to bring to the party. Simon Rodger contented himself with a place on the bench, but all eyes were on Steve Coppell as he attempted to mastermind the downfall of his previous club. Of course, Coppell received a very warm reception, but it did leave the Palace faithful with a slightly bitter taste in the mouth.

This was also one of those rare occasions where Palace went into a match as favourites, although that was more to do with Brighton’s poor form than Trevor Francis’ samba football. Eleven straight defeats had seen the ‘weed languishing at the bottom of the table, and looking apprehensively towards a swift return to Division 2. And all this with talismanic striker Bobby ‘he’ll never amount to anything’ Zamora in their ranks. Palace too had hit something of a bump in the road, and the pressure was mounting on Francis. The previous game summed up our recent performances – drawing 2-2 having been 2 nil up after 75 minutes in our ‘away’ game against Wimbledon (thanks Shipperley).

The biggest gate of the season meant the atmosphere in the ground was electric, tampered only by the news that a few scuffles outside had meant kick off had to be delayed by 15 minutes. It didn’t matter though, as Palace were on the front foot from the get go. Barely four minutes had gone by when a looping corner from Julian Gray was volleyed back into the mix by Danny Granville, and Andy Johnson was at hand to delicately poke it home. In unusual fashion the Eagles continued to press, and were unlucky to have a Tony Popovic header from another corner ruled out because of a foul.

It was another Gray corner on 35 minutes that saw the Johnson score his second. Whipped low and hard to the near post, AJ dived acrobatically to nod it past ‘keeper Michael Kuipers to leave the Palace fans happy and in great voice come the half time whistle. This was Palace though, we had to remind ourselves, and as comfortable as the first half performance was it would presumably be a tighter second half affair –wouldn’t it?

We needn’t have worried though. Less than 10 minutes had passed after the restart when the Doog set AJ off and his little legs did the rest. Scurrying into the box with three players trailing in his wake, AJ was met by Danny Cullip who decided it was best to stop him by all means, unceremoniously dumping him on the floor, and the referee was given no choice but to award the penalty. With Palace fans calling for Johnson to be given the honours, Freedman instead stepped up and calmly smashed the ball into the roof of the net. This, AJ decided, would not do, and so he promptly won another penalty in almost a carbon copy of the first decision. This time the Scot could afford to be a little more generous, and so Johnson gratefully received the chance of a hat-trick, rolling the ball into the bottom right-hand corner. Brighton’s Paul Brooker was given his marching orders for this latest misdemeanor, wisely deciding to get out of Selhurst Park as quickly as he could.

By this stage the Palace fans were in full party mood, and the stadium was practically rocking. Everyone was happy, it seemed, apart from Julian Gray. Always an admirer of sexy football, he decided that two penalties were no way to end this mouth-watering match. Skipping past the bedraggled Brighton defenders, he rounded off the historic game with a beautiful fizzing shot low into the net.

After the game Francis claimed his side could have scored six or seven, but five suited me perfectly thank you very much. The performance more than matched the occasion, and in Johnson a Palace hero was born (he would go on to score another three goals in the following game against Walsall). As much as we love to hate Brighton, our games against them always promise to be something special. Bring on 27th September.

5 players who crossed the Palace - Brighton divide

Originally published on www.fiveyearplanfanzine.co.uk, May 25

Not many players have been brave enough to make the switch between Palace and Brighton, but after the news that the Eagles had snatched the Seagulls' best player in Glenn Murray this week, FYP's Sam Priddy looks at five others who have been as brave.

Dave Sexton

Dave Sexton joined Crystal Palace at the end of a short and relatively undistinguished career (he retired with us at the age of 29 in 1959). A striker, arguably his biggest achievement came in his two years at Brighton immediately preceding his move to green South London when, leading the line, he helped the club win the 1957-58 Third Division (South) Title. It was a particularly successful season for Sexton on a personal level too, as he notched up an impressive 26 goals. Being a high-scoring Brighton striker in a title-winning team meant the inevitable move to Palace came next where, despite a modest return of 11 goals in his one and only season with us, he then decided to hang up his boots. Sexton is best remembered for his managerial exploits – he won the FA Cup and European Cup Winners’ Cup with Chelsea – but I’m sure his fondest memories would have been of those beautiful 11 goals.

Neil Smillie

Neil Smillie is another member of that rare breed of players who achieved more success with Brighton than Crystal Palace. Starting his career at the Palace, Smillie notched up an impressive seven years in South London from 1975 to 1982, although in that time he only played for the Eagles 83 times. Lack of game time led to a succession of loans, including a dream move to North American Soccer League heavyweights the Memphis Rogues (“We’re the Ramblin’ Rogues from Memphis, the biggest kick in town!”), before he signed for our south coast chums in 1982. Smillie was part of the Brighton team that reached the FA Cup final against Manchester United in 1983. He played at left midfield in both games as the Seagull underdogs drew 2-2 in the first leg before being beaten in the second fixture (I think we can all empathise with that) by a team that included Ray Wilkins and Bryan Robson.

Gary O’Reilly

Gary O’Reilly only ever scored two goals for Crystal Palace, but ask any Palace fan and they’ll probably be able to tell you which ones they were (and possibly give you a play-by-play run through). His four years at Selhurst Park coincided with our most successful period of all time (1987-91), so I think we can probably forgive him his two spells and 107 caps with the Seagulls either side. Most memorably O’Reilly was part of the side that beat Liverpool 4-3 in the FA Cup semi-final of 1990, only a few months on from that 9-0 drubbing. Reflecting since, O’Reilly stated that ‘we knew we were never going to outplay Liverpool, so there had to be something else we could do’. O’Reilly himself scored our second goal on the way to a famous victory. In the final it was O’Reilly again who scored the opener with a header, before Ian Wright’s double took us to the second leg (but there’s no need to dwell on that). Brighton who?

Simon Rodger

There’s not really much I can say about Jolly that Palace fans don’t already know. Twelve years and 276 caps tell you all you need to know about his love for the club, and the feeling was most definitely mutual. Not bad for a £1,000 signing from Bognor Regis Town eh? Rodger was there through it all – from the highs of the promotions in 1994 and 1997 to the administration lows that swiftly followed – and he was never tempted to jump ship. Summing up his career on HOL one person wrote ‘if you cut Simon Rodger open, he would probably bleed red and blue’. After he left Palace in the early 00s Jolly soon found himself taking pity and joining Steve Coppell at our arch rivals to end his career, but no one at the Palace begrudged him his decision.

Jamie Smith

Prior to Glenn Murray’s arrival youngster Jamie Smith was the most recent player to cross the bitter divide when he joined Brighton from Palace in 2009. Full of initial promise, Smith progressed through the Palace Academy and was rewarded at the start of the 2008-09 season when he was given a one-year contract. Youth team coach Gary Issott was full of praise for Smith, describing him as ‘a diminutive attacking central midfielder in the mould of Eyal Berkovic’. Alas it was not to be and come the end of the season Smith was forced to look for a new club having failed to make an appearance for the Eagles. Following a successful trial he signed with Brighton, and had his contract renewed for a further season in 2010. Under Gus Poyet this season Smith has found his chances limited, and at 22 will be hoping to make a bigger impression soon.

What's up with Paddy McCarthy?

From defensive rock to Shakin' Stevens in a matter of months. What has happened to the Paddy McCarthy we all knew and loved last season? Sam Priddy has a think.

When Palace first signed Paddy McCarthy in the summer of 2008 it didn’t exactly set many hearts aflutter. Having watched Mark Hudson turn into a relatively decent player in his time at Selhurst Park it was incredibly disappointing to see him decide to move across town to hang out with our good friends at Charlton Athletic. In his place we got a Charlton hand-me-down; a little sympathetic gesture to soften the bitter blow of seeing one of our most consistent performers picking our fierce rivals over the club that had nurtured him out of his Fulham nappies. An Irish centre-back called Paddy no less. I for one can’t say I knew a whole lot about McCarthy, but the whole thing stank of mediocrity.

But alas, similar to the Clinton Morrison-Andy Johnson trade a few years earlier, it soon appeared that we had got the better end of the bargain as Paddy proved to be a much-needed rock in the heart of defence. His Clarence Seedorf impression against Derby that won the goal of the season award certainly didn’t do him any harm in the eyes of the Palace faithful either. Last season his heroics in keeping us up saw him named club captain following Sean Derry’s departure and everything seemed to be going swimmingly.

This season has been a different story however. In a shaky defence that has shipped in 59 goals already, McCarthy has at times looked the shakiest of the lot. The composure that endeared him to the fans seems to have disappeared, and instead we are treated to an almost weekly display of inconsistency and miscommunication with the rest of the defence.

There could be several reasons for this. It’s true that stability isn’t a word you would necessarily associate with our defence this season. Until fairly recently McCarthy had struggled to find a consistent partner, with Davis, Bennett, Gardner and even Alex Marrow shuffled round in the hope of finding the right combination. Regardless of the reasons for this – injuries, suspensions (oh hello Claude) – all too often McCarthy has had to shackle a new look defence when we needed it to be at its strongest. I’ve heard some people question his focus. Could it be that the added responsibilities of being captain are putting too much pressure on McCarthy?

That’s not to say it has all been bad however. The recent performances at home when playing with Anthony Gardener have shown there is certainly potential in their partnership. But still the cracks from earlier in the season won’t fully conceal themselves. Rash challenges on Shane Long in the 3-3 draw with Reading, and most recently against QPR, have shown McCarthy is still somewhat off the pace. Whether the red card was warranted or not, a suspension is not a welcome delight at this stage of the season. Nor was it nice to see a great performance against the stand out team in the league rendered useless.

But, having said that, I don’t think we should write off Paddy just yet, even though it is clear that he needs to have a reappraisal of his game. The little decisions, the positioning, the 50-50s that have been going against him have been costing us. He’s got an undesired break to mull it over.

Originally posted on Five Year Plan, the Crystal Palace fanzine, 28 March 2011

Have you ever come over a little Justin Bieber?

Back in September 2009 a few friends and I were having a few drinks on a Saturday night, before our planned assault on the cheap student nightlife of London town. At some point during the evening someone made us listen to the Chase and Status remix of the Nneka song 'Heartbeat'. Someone else then pointed out how well suited the song was for two iconic dance moves - the robot and the air guitar. Inspired, we filmed ourselves dancing along to it. Here was the result:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Os9LabSpbE8

We posted it online and the results were underwhelming. In about a month 80 people watched it. So we forgot about it.

Fast forward to 2011 and Rupert (who is so good at the robot they call it the 'ru-bot' these days) remembered our video and looked it up. To our great surprise it had gone viral. Not only had it been viewed by several thousand people, but a flood of comments were pouring in. I think I speak for all of us when I say we felt like 5 Justin Biebers.

If there is a downside to this uplifting tale it is said comments. Not only do very few people seem to appreciate our dancing, but we seemed to have united angry youngsters all over the world in hatred of posh boys (and no, I don't actually think we are that posh - aside from Peter 'yah guys, it's filming' Thompson-Glover).

The comments range from mild attacks ( 'how preppy are you!', 'Can see why you dance at home n not in public')...

...to genuinely upsetting observations ('wow a load of posh twats drinkig wine get a life u wankers im 15 and i got more of a life than u', 'room full of 19 y old virgins').

The last point in particular seems to have been appreciated by the Internet public, although it should be noted that, as Peter pointed out, most of us were at least 20. At least we can sleep sound in the knowledge that for the most part the spelling seems to be as much of an issue as the dancing in question. Thank God we can't see the comments that have been removed.

Will Gompertz - my new idol

This lunchtime I went along to a talk on modern art by Will Gompertz. For those of you who don't know he's the BBC's Arts Editor and appears on the news quite frequently doing unenviable things like interviewing film stars or visiting art galleries. He looks a bit like a mad professor (long hair flanking a rather bald brow) and, prior to today, was going someway to rivalling my all-time favourite BBC journalist, Andrew Marr. He seems to be getting almost as much airtime these days as Nick Robinson, and, like most humans, makes Robert Peston seem very dull and full of himself (but I must save my Peston rant for another time).

I don't know if I'm allowed to say why he was at our offices, so I'll keep quiet on that front for the time being. To our benefit he gave us a rendition of his Edinburgh Festival show, an introduction to modern art in the guise of a classroom lesson. The show was quite a success apparently, and the little man who introduced him (who was very excited) proudly exclaimed that it was a sell out. An embarrassed Gompertz pointed out that it was quite a small venue.

Gompertz really is an impressive speaker and had the whole room laughing from the start with his self-deprecating humour (he kept on stressing that he wasn't very funny). Best of all he didn't give a complete rendition of his Edinburgh show, but rather a commentary on what he did, so that we saw how he had gone about trying to make art funny. Some of it was rather childish and silly, but Gompertz was so aware of what he was doing that he made it rather endearing. In an effort to find out what we knew about art he made us all draw penises in the style of the art movements he wrote on his blackboard. It's not particularly nice seeing your mother draw a penis, especially when it's in a Pointillist manner, although my pop art penis was rather feeble compared to hers. Nevertheless he made something which could have been rather dull entertaining - I can most definitely see him presenting his own shows in the future. For the time being however he'll just have to settle with being my new idol.

Atonement

Three years after everyone else in the world saw it I finally got round to watching Joe Wright's 'Atonement' this weekend. It was a drizzly Sunday afternoon so a depressing film was in order, and Wright duly obliged. I must admit I haven't read the Ian McEwan book so was more attracted by it's Hollywood heavyweights, Keira Knightley and James McAvoy. I've been a particular fan of McAvoy's ever since he appeared in Shameless and State of Play (on the telly), and I was even more delighted to find out that he is a whole three inches shorter than me.

I was quietly hoping the film would be a bit of a failure though, in which case I could steal Rosamond Pike from the irritatingly successful Wright. If you haven't seen her in 'An Education' you should probably should do.

To my disappointment I was quite enjoying the film though. It is beautifully shot, has a nice loud typewriter detailing the various locations and features an incredibly rude word. I particularly liked the four-and-a-half minute long scene where McAvoy and his chums wander along the Dunkirk beach. It was refreshing to see Dunkirk in a darker, less triumphalist light.

Nevertheless whilst I was appreciating the movie I didn't anticipate in the slightest how upsetting I would find the last third of it. I think that the best films stay with you beyond the 3 hours spent watching them, and in the case of 'Atonement' I couldn't help but mull it over all day. It was completely haunting. I think I need to watch it again, but in the meantime Joe can keep Rosamond. He deserves her.

Ask Hadley

On my way home today I was accosted outside Kings Cross station by a man who pushed a copy of today's G2 into my hands. I thanked him, a little surprised, and he smiled at me and continued in his work, possibly the only person I have ever seen enjoying his job as a 'newspaper-thrusterer'. I was quite glad he did though as my journey home took a lot longer than it should have, during which time I read the supplement from cover to cover.

Of course, like everyone else who claims to have an interest in writing or anger, I'm a fan of Charlie Brooker, although his piece on fast food didn't leave any great impression on me. Instead I found myself chuckling along to the style agony aunt Hadley and her tirade against 'faux vintage' clothes - 'always sloganed clothing that features a juxtaposition of primary colours and says something unbelievably irritating such as "Jerry's Crayfish Stall"'.

Oh Hadley, how I feel your pain! My dislike of popular brands doesn't come from wanting to be different from everyone else (like those pretentious indie boys who wear granny clothes) but more from the sense that I would have been conned into trying to be cool. I'm not cool but I'm not particularly uncool either. I don't feel particularly strongly about making a statement with my clothes. I shop at Gap and Next ok?

Last week I went to Thorpe Park with a friend. We invented the games 'Jack Kills' and 'Supercry', which basically involved hurting each other whenever we saw a relevant piece of brattish clothing. Particularly uncool and childish but fun nevertheless. Well done Hadley.